Time to write again...

I've spent two years in Sydney already and I'm still finding my way through. Three promotions and one career shift later (still in advertising, changed departments), I'm still the same little girl who gets stressed crossing the street without the green man lit, who jumps up and down while clapping when I'm happy and giggles with my hands covering my mouth. Old habits die hard. I've just had my review and while they called me brilliant and that I've done a fantastic job, (and they are giving me the raise I want), they want me to work on projecting myself as a serious force to reckon with, not a junior girly girl from my "background" (ie the Philippines).

Another cultural barrier to overcome. This time, I'm not too happy about it. My initial thoughts were --Is it my fault that I look like a teenager? Regardless of how I dress, my skin will always look Chinese porcelein not old and sun damaged! And I'll always be teeny tiny unless they come up with some magical pill that can make me taller. Am I to learn how to speak with an Aussie accent so people don't think I grew up in a nipa hut in a coconut tree? While some of the things I know I can work on such as acting serious while presenting, being more outspoken and less shy, speaking in a measured manner, not the giggly excitable me, etc. Some things are beyond my control. It's hard enough to focus on doing my job excellently, but having to focus on managing other people's misconceptions is another task I'm not too sure I'm up for. Why do I need to prove myself worthy when my work should speak for itself, right? If I were white, preferably with a British accent because that's where planning was invented and serious looking, I doubt those comments will come up and they will just focus on the work that I've done.

I know I'll get over it eventually and take the comments with a grain of salt (after all, they are only looking out for what will make my career blossom and they can't control how people perceive people). And for sure I will continually get better. It's just really annoying having to learn a different persona. I am happy with myself and how I am. Why do I need to change for other people to take me seriously? Maybe I should just be a kindergarden teacher like I've always wanted to be so I can laugh as much as I want, be playful all the time and be with (little) people who will love me just the way I am. Growing up sucks.

But that said, I still love my work and the people I work with all the time. Once I'm trained well, maybe I'll start my own multiculural (ethnic) marketing company where we'll embrace and celebrate cultural diversity not try to mould everyone into this perceived image of how a professional should be.

In the middle of of difficulty, lies opportunity. -Albert Einstein