Saturday Thoughts of a Warrior of Life

Leaving home to embark on a new adventure for the first time is exciting. I felt a teensy bit anxious about the challenges I would have to face but mostly I was enthralled at the idea of venturing into the wild untamed Sydney.

It's the kind of excitement I face when I get ready to compete... with the help of my teammates, I put my battle gear on- my knee brace to keep a past injury/hurt strong, armor to protect me, headgear to keep me thinking straight and most importantly, my weapon to slay the opponent. And then there are my coaches, trusted mentors who have trained me and instilled in me everything I need to win, who shout out words of encouragement to keep me pumped and strategy when I seem stumped on how to beat my opponent. We share a special bond and a secret code only known to our team who I consider family in the crazy world of arnis. Victorious or not, the thrill of competition is what keeps me going in, getting battered and bruised- I love every breathtaking second of it.

In my journey to Sydney, my teammates and coaches are my whole family/clan and all my close friends. These are wonderful people who have prepared me for the grueling months ahead. They've given me the knee brace, armor, headgear, weapon, strategy and encouragement I need to not only to survive but to keep my spirit alive. (and if you're reading my blog, that means you! I can never thank you enough for all the beautiful things you have done for me whether you were aware of those kind actions or not, I've been blessed to know you or be related to you.)

For 8 months now, I've been both victorious and beaten to a pulp on a weekly basis. I still love the game, but I'm battle weary. After a while, you get tired of psyching yourself up to face a brand new challenging day, of fighting dragons, overcoming obstacles, even the seducing victory parties seem old. Honestly, all the fun or trying to have fun after competing can be so tedious. Sometimes, the best way to celebrate a victory, is to curl up in bed and nurse your wounds because you know there will be another competition ahead when you least expect it. Work, homesickness, loneliness, unfamiliarity, sadness, chores, lack of cultural connection (iba talaga ang pinoy humor), fending for myself, pretending everything is ok all the time... these are just few of the challenges I have to face everyday. This is not to say that life in Sydney doesn't have its wonderful wonderful people and moments, I have great friends and have had far too many good times to recall but I was ready to come home.

And what a trip home it was! My lovely crazy family, warmth, my bed, my girls, old friends, Carlos, Muffin, being surrounded with love, the festive season and weddings, parties and catching up, the jokes, my comfort zones, omg Victor, being served, pampered, our maids who hid my suitcase because they didn't want me to leave, peaceful days, scrumptious food, Capone’s, my stay was like Christmas everyday! My beautiful wondrous life before I decided to change it! For two and a half blessed weeks, I didn't have to don my battle gear or fight. It was safe and I was free to let loose the little girl inside me... and oh how much fun she had!

It was no wonder then that I was bawling my eyes out a week before I was due to go back to Sydney. It was painful to leave it all behind, not so much the lifestyle (ok fine part of it is the lifestyle) but having to say goodbye to my Kuya, my parents, my friends, these are the people who you know you were meant to physically be together. They’re not just a habit, something I can learn not to look for, they’re part of my life and my heart, part of my being. (Obviously, I still have to learn how to cope with this!) Call it dependency, but I don’t care, I know I need to have my family with me.

I just blinked and I found myself on the plane beside a nurse who spent the holidays back home too. We started talking about our trip and I mentioned how quickly it went by and she said "oo nga, parang nanaginip ka lang"(yes, it was just like you had a dream"). Misery loves company, I’m glad she could relate.

So today, is my first Saturday back in Sydney. The week went by well. I went to work straight from the airport even if I was sick and I still enjoyed it. I did miss Uncle Anky and Tita Nidia and my friends (workmates included) and can’t wait to catch up with Brights. My battle gear feels a bit heavy but it still fits perfectly. I took a moment to remove it to contemplate and write.

I was wondering mid-week why I still wanted to come back to Sydney, and my brother (I miss youuu *sniff* I’m instik beho tulo laway kaka-iyak) sent me this. How comforting. I’d like to share it with everyone.

As Lao-Tzu said, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” So what if that first step is a little painful?

You see, if you want to accomplish something, there are two kinds of pain you might encounter: the pain of discipline and the pain of regret.

Whenever you take that first step toward a new goal, you often experience the pain of discipline: the pain of hard work, the pain of sacrifice, as you single-mindedly pursue your dream. On the other hand, if you don’t go after your dreams, you might experience an even greater type of pain: the pain of staying stuck, which eventually turns into the pain of regret.Remember, as Sydney J. Harris wrote, “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”

When you’re really ready to make a change in your life, you’ll find, as writer Anaiis Nin did, that the “risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”The great thing about discipline is if you discipline yourself on a daily basis, eventually something “magical” will happen, almost without your realizing it-one day, the discipline will turn into desire.

A runner who “makes” herself run on a daily basis, one day gets up “wanting” to run. The same holds true for writing, public speaking, or anything else.

So today, start that project, make that call, do what you need to do to begin. Here’s a guarantee: If you work through a little pain, you’ll see a little progress.

Now it makes sense why I need to be here in Sydney. I'm in training to be the best person I can be and this is the place for it. I'm putting my battle gear back on... Handa...LABAN!