Seven Months in Sydney

Go Team DELL air

I remember how quickly we had to make the decision to stay here. I didn’t intend to stay this long, I even left some stuff at the office and some of my favorite things in Manila. The first few months, I was incredibly homesick and that’s when I knew if I went back for my birthday, I would never have come back here to live in Sydney.

It hasn’t been the easiest of times, there were moments where I would ask myself what the hell I’m doing here… like when I had to walk in the cold rain with a broken umbrella and my skirt blowing up or the time I was sick as a dog and had to go to the doctor by myself or starving and being extremely tired from work and school and then having to cook because Ate Anna was still at work as well, or just moments when I’m missing out on things happening in Manila and not being there to pay your respects to one of your favorite people in the world (Tito Bombit) and your favorite pet.

In the Philippines where I was pampered, surrounded by loving and supportive people and pretty much getting anything I want (as long as I work hard for it), it’s hard to imagine why I would leave Manila for Sydney. I still get questions like that from people I meet, “if you can make it there, why give yourself a hard time here?”

There are a million reasons and one for me coming here. Wanderlust. Self-discovery. Adventure. Changing from little girl to becoming a woman. Feeding my infinite curiosity.

But when I contemplate about it, the most compelling reason why I’ve managed to stay in Sydney this long (apart from having Ate A, Eric, Uncle Anky, Tita Nidia and Brights) is that I want my own sense of security, one that only I can control. Independence. Free living. Making my own decisions. Relying on myself. I would never want any man to control my world and my happiness. (My family does enough of that haha).

Growing up as the baby of the family, I’ve never had that chance to make too many decisions, to take care of myself or to experience the highs and lows of life. It’s been a blessed, safe, nurturing and sheltered world I’ve been living in and I know a great deal of it is because I listen to the experiences of my family and friends (I “listen all too well” as one friend put it). While I’m grateful for that, I feel that I’m only grown up and mature in theory but not in practice. I’ve managed to stay out of trouble and played the good girl role so well, I honestly hear the voices of my family in my head when I’m trying to decide to do something. It amazes me how some people can just say “because I felt like it” as a reason for doing what they do. It takes much courage to make a decision without thinking how that decision will affect other people you care about. Sometimes you need to be selfish to be happy but how can you be happy when you’re being selfish? This is just one of the many things I would never know for myself if I didn’t experience it myself.

I guess what I’m saying is here, away from home, I realize that life is not how much you think you know of it, it’s how much you’ve lived of it. How deeply you’ve loved. How much of your time you spend doing things of substance. How you face your fears. How many leaps of faith you take. How much you laugh and cry. How much you push the limits to make yourself a better person. How many times you leave your comfort zone to have an adventure. How many times you’ve given up playing the game, stopped waking up for the next party, gotten off cruise control or "surviving" day to day and just living a life of purpose. How many times you can say no to what other people want for you because the only person who can know what you want is yourself. How many times you try to see the world with new eyes or through someone else’s. How many of your own dreams you make come true.